Roots

Flying Free

A memory came to me the other day and in a rush of realisation I had a moment of clarity. I saw that I had repeated that memory in reoccurring situations throughout my life. This specific memory was at high school. Our religious education teacher and choir/musicals director (they never did straight drama, she loved to sing) was holding auditions for the annual production, which was going to be The Sound of Music.

I was sixteen and wished more than anything that I could sing well enough to be in a musical, I wanted to be on that stage. But instead I herded down to her basement classroom and stood on the steps and watched the other girls audition, like an outsider looking in. Like an orphan child looking through the window of a sweet shop, wishing she could be one of the kids in there choosing from the amazing assortment of sweets that sat deliciously in tubs behind the counter.

I’ve realised that my life has taken on this pattern of looking in at what I deem others to have that I don’t, which makes them more talented, more confident, better placed to achieve their dreams. My hopes were like caged birds inside my chest and whilst I watched others go forth and conquer, my little caged birds would rise up from their perch, flutter their wings and beg to be free. I just never thought they would ever fly as well as the others. So whilst my heart races to be and do what I love, my body stands frozen to the spot. Who wants to see a little bird fly, when they can see a big bird soar?

I am an excuse maker and my excuses generally revolve around my perceived inadequacy. I can’t talk like that, I can’t walk like that, I can’t sing like that, I can’t dance like that, I can’t act like that, I’m not skinny enough, I don’t have dimples, I don’t have L’Oreal “because you’re worth it” hair, I just don’t have the pedigree they desire or require.

But there has been a slow rising of rebellion inside of me, an awakening of self worth that is demanding my time and attention. My little caged birds are furiously pecking their way to freedom and soon will burst out and fly without stopping for pure joy of release.

You see, I may not talk, walk, sing, dance or act like they do. I may not be the skinniest in the pack and I may not have dimples and long swishy hair… but I can talk like me, walk like me, sing like me, I can dance like me and I can act like me. And my uneven dodgy haircut is cute, thanks very much! So whilst my struggle with feeling like the orphan child, always on the outside looking in continues, so does my personal rebellion against the lie that I am inadequate. I am, after all, me and God made me. So therefore, like you, me is all I need to be.

Who are they anyway?

By Glenda Robinson

The Journey

True Fellowship

Have you ever thought what it took for Peter to walk on the water, for David to fight Goliath, for Noah to build the ark? Have you ever wondered about the relationship between Paul and Timothy or between the disciples or there relationship between Jesus and God?

All throughout the bible there are examples of faith and sometimes I think that we read these and look into them and we compare our own faith to them and rightly so.

I believe the bible teaches us to look at ourseleves and review our actions, thoughts and belief or faith. I try to do this myself and unfortunately I tend to get down about things, about the fact that I am struggling that my faith seems to be waining and my work for God begins to suffer. I find it a struggle sometimes to keep going on the same path. Sometimes I even struggle to get myself to Church to meet with my brothers and sisters. This is by no means a reflection on any of them as they are all wonderful and true blessings in my life, but we have all felt this way at some point or another.

The reason I put this question to you and I spoke earlier about faith waining is I think that sometimes we meet as the family of God yet we are restrained somehow in the way we interact with each other. Why is this? Are we open enough with one another? Do we truly believe we are a family? Or is it that our faith in one another is not strong? Now I understand that all families have their ups and downs and sometimes have trouble communicating with one another and I had lots of trouble with that as part of my family growing up! I bottled things up and unfortunately they would all come out in one big out pouring. This would also mean I was not always making sense as all my emotions spilled out at once.

Do you think we are like this in our family here in our Christian community? I sometimes feel like we are restrained by human or social norms. For example you say hello to someone and ask them how they are but before they can tell you, you have moved on to the next person or you start telling them about how you are! I think we need to really listen when we ask this question.

Going back to what I said earlier about the relationship between the disciples or Paul and Timothy or Jesus and God. Have you thought about what made these relationships strong where all parties grew and become closer over time and strengthing one another also?

I believe it was communication!

Not the communication we see today. Public speaking, email, well written sales pitches, blogs or posts on the Internet. I believe it was good one on one communication face to face conversation. Being able to see one anothers emotions and body language which can say a thousand words that a well structured presentation, an email or a post on facebook can't do. I am not saying these forums are bad or that they don't have there place but are we losing the art of one on one conversation and not just the small chit chat that perhaps currently takes up several hours of our day. I am talking about the meaningful understanding conversations that I believe Jesus had with his disciples on many occasions.

The open and honest conversations that David had with Jonathon and the kind hearted and truthful converstions Paul had with Timothy in their relationship almost at times mirrored that of father and son. Conversation that I truly believe Jesus had with his father. Words said without fear of judgement or of rejection, but rather said with confidence that opening up about real issues would build and strenthen the relationship, that from words spoken would come encouragement to keep perservering or guidance should be given with heartfelt love from one to the other and that in time, this would possibly be returned in the other individuals time of need, distress, anxiety, excitement, sadness, fear etc.

I used to often look at older brothers and sisters and marvel at how they had it all together and they seemed to be walking perfectly to the kingdom. Then one day an older brother opened up to me about something that was bothering him.

I finally realized that we are all struggling with something.

So when you look around and you feel isolated and alone in your situation and you feel that no one else understands, know that there is probably someone in your church that does and knows what its like to walk in your shoes.

We know Jesus understands and we know we can talk to him about this which is the ideal thing to do, however I think sometimes it helps if you can talk with someone about it, even if all they say is "hey let's pray to God about it". We can offer each other all kinds of support, maybe it's a hug, a meal shared or just someone to listen.

Let's be confident in one another to be able to open up as brothers and sisters of Christ all working as one for God. Let's be open to one another of our struggles. Lets use these acts of faith in the Bible to better ourselves in the sight of our Lord God to assist each one of us on our journey to the Kingdom.